You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
