I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
