based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
