Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
