That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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