hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
