I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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