: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
