Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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