Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
