they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize