I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
