Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
