the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
