Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
