Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
