From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ugly people sure do ruin things
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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