yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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