why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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