I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
