This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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