I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im six kinds of drunk right now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
