the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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