Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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