I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
