Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize