Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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