what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
