Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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