Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
