worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
