just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
