I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
