is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
