she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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