Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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