I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
