If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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