Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
