Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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