so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
