some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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