this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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