Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
