you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize