Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
