i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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