Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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