so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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