dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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