i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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