I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
