mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize