I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
