i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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