She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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