yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
