im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
