I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
