turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
