My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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