i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
