Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
