i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
