he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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