I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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