I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
