i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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