Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
