So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
