Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
