So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
