what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
