I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
