I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
