I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
