I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
