he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
