I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
