Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize