you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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