a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
