grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
