i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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