I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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