i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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